Ever manage to piss off a bunch of people at once? I've done just that and those people include Hulk Hogan, Ice-T and Ash from "Evil Dead II." Don't worry, I've got health insurance.

Spike.com published my second of hopefully many lists to come with "The 10 Manliest Men with the Wimpiest Sounding Names," a list of the most kick ass guys in the world who have names with syllables that will make your testicles shrink, even if you don't have any.

LINK: http://www.spike.com/blog/10-manliest-men-with/67126

Please get your friends to flood the site to my article until it crashes, so I can rule the world.

Man, time flies when you're having fun and not getting paid fast enough for it.

Cracked has decidedly not learned their lesson and published another article written by yours truly. This time it's the "6 Old School Video Games as Violent as 'Grand Theft Auto'" featuring such classics as a game where you get your head ripped off by a man eating plant, a game where you shoot innocent people for fun and an Atari 2600 remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Give it a read here and then go shower for an hour.

LINK: http://www.cracked.com/article_16530_history-violence-6-old-school-games-as-brutal-as-gta.html

If you're wondering why I've been wearing loads of Axe Body Spray and talking about how UFC fighter Tito Ortiz could totally kick an eagle's ass, it's because I'm all man. This was confirmed when Spike.com, the home of the Spike Network for Guys, picked me up as their newest humorous feature writer for their website

I've got a lot of interesting projects in the works that haven't come to fruition yet, but they've published my first feature this week, a handy guide called "How to Write a Will Ferrell Movie in 8 Easy Steps." It's rather a simple process. Start with Ferrell doing a lot of drinking and them have him fight an eagle by the third act. Don't forget to write in a cameo appearance for Tito Ortiz.

After a dry spell so long that you could make a martini with, I've made my triumphant return this week to the front page of Cracked. This time I tackle the subject of childhood failure and greed for glorious cash and prizes with "The 5 Most Unfair Kids Game Shows."

Go here now and give it a big Digg as well. Help me put Fun House host J.D. Roth in his place directly to Hell.

Apparently, those holy humorists at the Wittenburg Door didn't learn their lesson because they've published another one of my hee-larious articles, this time an exclusive report from the left ventricle of America's heartland on the discovery of the image of the Virgin Mary on the back of a "Grand Theft Auto IV" disc. The good news is if I donate the money I earned for writing it to a charity, it will score me back some karmic points that I lost for writing it.


LINK: http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/virgin-mary-gta

The web version of the Wittenburg Door, the only religious humor magazine on the planet if you don't count every actual religious magazine on the planet, published my list of the 10 Worst Movies About Jesus (Not Counting "The Passion of the Christ" Because that Would Be Too Easy). I wish I had just gone with the POTC because I had to scrape the bottom of the movie bin barrel to find some of these things. I'm also sure this won't look good on my record when I'm trying to get into heaven.

Today marks my glorious return to Cracked Magazine. Please hold your applause until the end.

First up, there's a feature I wrote on the greatest real life MacGyver moments that includes World War II soldiers using Jello to copy a map and prisoners using floss to escape from their cells. Reading it just might save your life.
LINK: Top 5 Most Amazing Real Life MacGyver Moments

I've also contributed some stories to the site's weekly news review, "The Week in Douchebaggery," with reports on Pope Benedict reaching out to other religions and a new study linking obesity to certain death.
LINK: The Week in Douchebaggery for April 18, 2008

That's right, the humor magazine you grew to love and laugh at has been taken over by new owners and taking over the web. No, not Mad Magazine. I'm talking about Cracked. The magazine has become its own informative humor web hub and is featuring new and improved humor lists and jokes for "The News on Cracked" by your favorite online and print humorist. I mean, me, dumb asses.

LINK: Cracked.com
LINK: The 5 Least Surprising Toy Recalls of All Time
LINK: Not Exactly a Stretch: The Easiest Acting Roles Ever
LINK: The 8 Greatest Makeshift Movie Weapons

It's Halloween and that can only mean three things: (1) lots of candy, (2) cavities that root through your gums like the offspring of evil aliens and (3) people getting tazered. You'll find the latter at Shadowbox Cabaret in Columbus, Ohio, the first of hopefully many sketches to come from your favorite B-level humorist. The show runs through Nov. 10, so get your tickets now while you still have some cash left over from your last visit to the plasma center. And BOO!, there's your frigging Halloween reference.

LINK: Shadowbox Cabaret

One of my lifelong writing dreams came true this week (the one just behind getting to write 'I Suck' on Ashton Kutcher's forehead and having a hot tub champagne party with Sarah Vowell and Mary Shelley) when I scored some ink in a Chicago fish wrap! The fine folks at Chicago Tribune's Redeye ran my first (hopefully first of many) news and humor columns on the execution of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein in their Thursday, Jan. 5th edition.